Quote of the Day


"Leaders who win the respect of others are the ones who deliver more than they
promise, not the ones who promise more than they can deliver."
          -- Mark A. Clement (b. 1955), American writer, author

 Welcome to the humor section.....with all the jokes, stories, memorable quotes etc......you should be able to find something here to brighten your day, bring a smile and a chuckle or two......if you have something you would like to see posted here please let us know we will consider all contributions.

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On Children "From the Cow Pasture" 

 

Tribal Wisdom vs. Modern Business Practices

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one
generation to the next, says that when you discover you are
riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment
factors to be taken into consideration, often other
strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Threatening the horse with termination.

4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be
included.

7. Appointing an intervention team to reanimate the dead horse.

8. Creating a training session to increase the riders load share.

9. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

10. Change the form so that it reads: "This horse is not dead."

 11. Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

12. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.

13. Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, there by deducting its full original cost.

14. Providing additional funding to increase the horses performance.

15. Do a time management study to see if the lighter riders would improve productivity.

16. Purchase an after-market product to make dead horses run faster.

17. Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better.

18. Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses.

19. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for horses.

20. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

 

On Children.....

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our  own, or our grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or students....here is something to  make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from  the  thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own  children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first
thing he said to them was, "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve .... we have forbidden fruit!"
"No way!" said Eve.
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, (wondering why  He  hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants).
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and boy, was He ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, our first parent,  asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
 "I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said,
"Did not!" "You did too!" "DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and  Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and  it has  never changed.  But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and  lovingly tried to give your children advice and direction and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children,  what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension in your life and you  get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin"  and   "Keep away from children."

Forward your contribution to: chuckles&grins@spitfire-consulting.com

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